Should I Communicate with my Spouse During Our Divorce?

I think this question will get different answers from different attorneys, and I think the main difference will revolve around the individual attorney's opinion on the "best way" to resolve your marital issues.  Here are the two viewpoints:

Do Not Communicate with Your Spouse

A lawyer may recommend that you not communicate with your spouse during the divorce if he/she feels like a trial and decision by a judge or for the lawyers to solely negotiate the outcome of the case are the best ways to resolve your case.Of course, there may be times when you and your spouse do not need to speak with one another regardless of the opportunity to settle.  When there is a history of abuse (both mental and physical) or if things always escalate into an argument or a fight then you may want to hold off on working with them.

Communicate with Your Spouse

When an attorney encourages you to speak with your spouse during the course of your divorce case, it is usually because they recognize that you and your spouse know more about your case than anyone else on the earth and that you are in a better position to know what you need in order to resolve your case.  All that said; however, your attorney knows what you are entitled to receive in your divorce case, so you should consider your attorney's advice on what not to give up in your negotiations with your spouse.

What Should You Do?

I think it is ultimately up to you.  Your attorney may encourage you to communicate with your spouse or he may ask you not to speak to your spouse about your case to allow him to assist you through the negotiations to make sure you aren't taken advantage of by your spouse.  You know yourself and if you believe you are likely to be influenced by your spouse to accept something that is not in your best interest or less than you are entitled to, you should probably make that known to your attorney so he knows that you should have limited communication with your spouse on your own when it comes to negotiating in your case.

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What Should I Wear to Court?

So you have a hearing in court soon and don't know what to wear?  No matter what type of hearing you have in the family court (a temporary hearing or a final hearing) you should dress to make a good impression on the judge.  There is no jury in a South Carolina Family Court and the judge will make the final decision in your case.So what should you wear so you make a good first impression?  You want to be comfortable, but you also want to make sure that you keep in mind the formality of the event you are attending.  Here are my thoughts:Men:

  • Dress slacks and a button up shirt or a polo style shirt.  I don't think it is necessary for you to wear a suit unless you feel comfortable in a suit.
  • No hats allowed.
  • No T-shirts, shorts, holy jeans, etc.
  • Remove earrings and cover tattoos as much as possible.  Remember, you are going into a government establishment where many of the personnel are very conservative.  Men with earrings tend to rub some people the wrong way.

Women:

  • You should wear a conservative suit, dress or slacks and blouse.  You should not wear anything revealing or "sexy" to court.
  • No wild, crazy or expensive jewelry

Everyone:

  • No chewing gum.
  • Leave your guns, knives, pepper spray, etc. in your car.  You're going to have to go through a metal detector before entering the courthouse, so you might as well leave this stuff outside because it's not coming in.
  • Turn your cell phone off or on silent so it does not go off in the court room.  That's a big no no.
  • Avoid wearing a lot of cologne or after-shave.
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What To Expect when Going to Court?

This morning I was getting ready for a marathon couple of days.  I have hearing this morning in the Spartanburg County Family Court and this afternoon I head over to Laurens County Family Court for a quick hearing.  Then, first thing tomorrow it is back to the Greenville County Family Court for a child support hearing.  As I was putting my tie on, I realized that this was what I did every day and I knew what was coming, but it hit me that my clients probably had a good deal of anxiety about what to expect.When I work with a client, I always have at least one appointment prior to the hearing to prepare the client for the hearing.  We talk about who are judge is going to be and what kinds of questions to expect from them.  I also go through who is in the court room and what to expect from the experience.So, what can you expect in your divorce hearing?  The answer depends on the type of case you have at the family court as well as whether your case is contested or if you and the opposing party (normally your spouse or former spouse) have reached an agreement on all or just some of the issues.When your case is called you will go into the courtroom and sit at one of the tables in front of the judge.  Your spouse will sit at the other table.If your case is a divorce case the judge will then ask both parties if there is anything the court could do to help reconcile the marriage and help get the parties back together again such as marriage counseling or time spent with a minister or priest.  Assuming the answer is no to that question, the case will begin.The plaintiff (the person who filed for divorce) will then be called as a witness to lay the groundwork for the case and any other witnesses required will be called at this time as well.  After the plaintiff's side questions witnesses, the defendant's side will have an opportunity for cross-examination.  When all of the plaintiff's witnesses have been called, the defendant will then have an opportunity to present his/her side of the case.In an uncontested case, there are usually 2 witnesses - the plaintiff and the corroborating witness to confirm the parties have lived separate and apart for more than one year.  If the case is contested there may be many witnesses including friends, experts, accountants, and so forth to build up the case for each party.Depending on the county, an uncontested matter may take between 5 and 15 minutes where a contested case could last for days.

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College Expenses...Whoa now!

Here's an article that I recently wrote for the Legal Staff Professionals of Greenville (LSPG) monthly newsletter.

It’s that time of year again – school is back in session.  These days college seems to be automatic for most high school graduates.  The process begins early in high school preparing for entrance exams and completing applications, and with state support for colleges decreasing, the prices for those incoming freshmen, and their parents, continue to rise.  College expenses are hard on married couples, but at least the child support laws allow divorced parents can get help from their former-spouses for college expenses, right?South Carolina Code §63-3-530(A)(17) states that the Family Court has jurisdiction to make orders for child support to run until the child turns eighteen (or until the child graduates from high school), becomes married or self-supporting.  The statute goes on to allow a court order for child support past the age of eighteen when there is a specific agreement, when there are physical or mental disabilities of the child or in “other exceptional circumstances that warrant the continuation of child support beyond age eighteen.”In 1979, the South Carolina Supreme Court decided Rinsinger v. Rinsinger, 273 S.C. 36, which a child support order to continue past age eighteen because of college expenses incurred by the child and in part due to the parent’s ability to pay.  It is important to note that this child support could only be continued from a previous order and not a new petition filed for child support.  In this decision, the Court considered a child wanting to go to college as an “exceptional circumstance” provided they showed the aptitude for doing well, desired to attend college, and the parent’s had the financial ability to pay for college.This would seem to be a nice bonus to be able to offer our divorce and child support clients.  But, everything changed this year.On April 19, 2010, the South Carolina Supreme Court ruled in Webb v. Sowell, 387 S.C. 328, that treating supporting parents in to different ways (those with a previous child support order and those without a previous support order) failed the rational basis test and violated the Equal Protection Clause of the United States Constitution.  The current court position on this topic is that neither parent has a common law duty to provide for the post-secondary educational expenses of their children and that the statute should not allow the court to continue a previous support order beyond age eighteen for one supporting parent when they could not institute a new support order after age eighteen for another supporting parent.  Because it treats two different “classes” of people differently, the statute is unconstitutional.Based on the decision in Webb, it appears that a court will no longer consider college expenses to be an “exceptional circumstance” that allows them to continue child support and the only way to attempt to have a former-spouse assist with college expenses would be to include a very specific provision regarding college expenses in a separation agreement during the initial divorce/custody litigation.

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A Divorce Like Tigers'...

Ben Stevens at SCFamilyLaw.com wrote a great post this morning about divorcing like Tiger Woods.  He analyzes Tiger's divorce and breaks it down into three main steps which are great advice for anyone going through the divorce process:

  1. Determine your true priorities.
  2. Take reasonable and prudent actions.
  3. Hire the best attorney that you can afford.

Check out the entire post here: How to Make Your Divorce Like Tiger Woods'

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