Your Divorce: Begin with the End in Mind
"It's not the will to win that matters—everyone has that. It's the will to prepare to win that matters."
— Paul "Bear" Bryant
One of the most important things for your divorce lawyer to know in the very beginning of your case is your expectations and your desired outcomes of your divorce case. Would you rather have sole custody or share custody with your spouse? Would you prefer permanent periodic alimony paid monthly or a lump sum paid all at one time? If your divorce lawyer doesn't know what you expect, he will be left to make assumptions for you based on his experience and the types of expectations other similar clients have had.It is extremely important that this information be shared with your attorney up front. This may not be something that you discuss at the initial consultation just because of a time issue, but once you have retained your attorney, you need to make sure that your desired outcomes are clear. Now, this is also a time where your attorney will tell you about your chances of reaching these desired outcomes. Depending on the facts of your case, some options may not be available and it is important that you know that up front.The lawyer will take the information that you provide him and prepare a "theory of the case." This theory can be thought of as your story. There will be a clear theme and everything should revolve around that theme. If you don't take the time initially to plan for what you are shooting for then you won't have any clear direction in your case.When meeting with my clients and prospective clients, I ask them to create an "autobiography" that I use to learn more about their background and the marital history as well as to help me prepare affidavits for the temporary hearing. Part of this process asks the client to identify their goals and desires for this litigation. If your attorney asks you to prepare this information for him, please do not take it lightly. Not only will it help the two of you to get on the same page strategy-wise, but it will help your attorney understand what is important to you and to plan your case out.
Can Introverts Make Good Trial Lawyers?
Can an introvert make a good lawyer - especially a good divorce lawyer? The truth is, most cases these days do not go to trial. Whether it is the expense, time involved, or beacuse of new alternative dispute resolution methods being used more and more, people are not having to try their case as much. But, some cases still can't be settled and are left up to the Court for a decision where zealous advocacy is required by the lawyers. I read an article recently by Jennifer B. Kahnweiler entitled "Why Introverts Can Make the Best Leaders" over at Forbes.com. I originally wrote this post over at TrippAtkins.com but thought it would be beneficial over here as well as I examine whether an introvert can make a good trial lawyer.Jennifer points out that many of the best leaders in the country consider themselves introverts. The list includes Bill Gates, Warren Buffett and Charles Schwab. Jennifer wrote that there are at least five reasons that introverts make good leaders:
- They think first, talk later;
- They focus on depth;
- They exude calm;
- They let their fingers do the talking;
- They embrace solitude.
Now, when I read the article the five points above really resonated with me. You see, I'm an introvert. So I got to thinking...can an introvert make a good lawyer? More specifically, can an introvert make a good trial lawyer?When I think of a trial lawyer, I think of a character such as Alan Shore from TV's Boston Legal. Someone who is extremely quick on their feet with wit and sarcasm. I'm asked occasionally by clients or prospective clients who want to know if I'm going to be a bulldog or super aggressive - someone who stands up and makes a show or screams and shouts around.Can an introvert effectively represent their clients in trial? I think so. My experience has been that I examine a case in depth. Preparation is of extreme importance. More extroverted people are able to think on their feet and may not need to prepare as much in advance, but an introvert can get past that with in depth preparation where they plan a response for any conceivable argument or objection.The third point, "exuding calm" is extremely important for trial lawyers - especially for divorce and family law lawyers because of the extremely personal and emotional nature of the cases we deal with. By being able to stand back from the case from a non-emotional place and look at it objectively, you can more effectively represent and advise your clients.I think introverts can make excellent trial lawyers and can effectively represent their clients. What do you think?
Difficult Times During Holidays During/After Divorce
Thanksgiving has just passed, and Christmas is right around the corner. No matter what the circumstances are that surround your divorce, these times of year seem to be difficult. I've never found myself personally in that situation, so I don't always have the most applicable advice on what to do, but I found an article that I believe can be a help to you if you find yourself in this situation this year. While it is specifically written for a female audience, I believe it can be applicable to men as well.The article, "Christmas Joy After Divorce" is by Diane Overgard, Family Life Specialist & Coach, and you can find her at www.FindJoy.biz.
Who's Responsible for the Child?
When a couple is married and they have a child it is pretty easy to determine who is going to be responsible for the child financially should the marriage end in divorce. There is no question who the mother of the child is, and in the situation above, there is no question who the father is. The husband/biological father is going to be responsible for the child and should the mother be awarded custody of the child, the father will be required to pay child support.But what about the situation where the mom and dad are not married and they have a child together? In this case, the dad is still going to be responsible for financially supporting the child.That all seems pretty straight-forward, right? Pretty much what you would expect. But there is a curveball. Who is responsible when a couple is married, but the wife has a child by another man (not her husband). This does not always happen in some illicit affair. Many people that I have spoken with are married, but have not seen their spouse in over ten years and they have moved on (with everything except getting the divorce finalized). If the relationship between the mom and the biological dad do not work out in this case who is held responsible for the child? The husband.Gasp! That's right, not the biological father. When a couple is married in South Carolina and a child is born the husband is deemed to be the legal father of the child and if a support action is filed, the husband will be the defendant - not the biological father.So why is it set up like this? Because the government wants to make sure that children are supported and do not become dependent on the state.Is that fair? There is a case pending in Michigan right now about this very issue. You can read more about the paternity law issue in the Michigan courts here. Hat tip Family Law Prof Blog.
Happy Thanksgiving
"Thanksgiving Day is a jewel, to set in the hearts of honest men; but be careful that you do not take the day, and leave out the gratitude." -E.P. Powell
I wanted to write today wish you a Happy Thanksgiving. I know that many of my readers are going through a divorce or other taxing family court matter and this might be the first "big" holiday since the divorce process has begun or since it was finalized. I understand that these are hard times and you don't always feel like giving thanks. I hope that you are able to find blessings in your life to be thankful for.If you are going through a hard time this Thanksgiving, I would encourage you to take the time today to find something in your life to be thankful for and remember to "not leave out the gratitude."
Working Parent's Work Used Against them in Custody Trial
Can your work be used against you in a custody case? I read an article at WorkingMom.com entitled Custody Lost where a working mother was in a deep custody battle with her husband who had been unemployed for several years. I have seen this from both sides: a dad tries to take custody away from the mother because of her job; and, I've also seen it the other way where moms try to use a dad's job to say that he is withdrawn from the children's life and should not be granted custody of them.So does your work play in to the custody determination? Unfortunately, yes, it does. Your work is a part of who you are. You spend a considerable amount of time there each week and it removes some of your flexibility in life. A family court judge trying to determine a custody case in South Carolina must decide what is in the child's best interest. That is really the overarching concern in the case. Your job is not going to be the be-all, end-all, but it is a factor that will be considered. In my experience, most judges are not going to be swayed in one direction just due to a job because a judge is going to expect the parents to work to be able to provide for their family. Where the rubber meets the road is whether the job materially impairs your parenting. Are you constantly late getting your children to school or picking them up from day care, are your children doing poorly in school because you are working so much that you do not have time to assist them with their studies, are they acting out because they are spending more time with a baby sitter than with you because you work until after they have gone to bed for the night? Keep these in mind if you are facing a custody battle and your spouse is going to try to use your work against you. While it sucks, you should definitely be realistic about the demands of your job and how you prioritize things.
No Soap Operas = Cruelty Divorce
The BBC has reported that an Indian woman was recently granted a divorce on cruelty grounds because her husband refused to let her watch her favorite soap operas. You can see that story here. The husband's lawyers are arguing that this order is based on extremely flimsy grounds and, of course, they are appealing.So, would something like this fly in South Carolina? I meet with people every week that have been mistreated in their marriage. While many of them have not been physically beaten or injured, they have been mentally tortured for years. They have finally mustered the courage to leave and seek legal assistance, and they are very interested in seeking a divorce on cruelty grounds.Here in South Carolina, one of the contested divorce grounds is physical cruelty. In order to get a divorce on physical cruelty grounds in South Carolina there must be some physical aspect to the cruelty. The South Carolina case of Brown v. Brown (215 S.C. 502) sets out the requirements: there must be "actual personal violence, or such a course of physical treatment as endangers life, limb or health, and renders cohabitation unsafe."Usually, a single act of violence during the marriage will not be enough for you to be granted a divorce on physical cruelty grounds unless it is very extreme.So, if you are being denied your favorite television show here in South Carolina, you're going to have to look outside of the physical cruelty realm to find your grounds for divorce.
Bankruptcy During Divorce
During this kind of economic time, people are dealing with overwhelming debts, potential foreclosure, and they are eying the real possibility of filing for bankruptcy. This problem is compounded even further when the couple is facing a divorce as well and whether you should file bankruptcy together as a couple or not. If you are facing both divorce and the possibility of bankrupcty, I would encourage you to check out this divorce and bankruptcy post at the Bankruptcy Law Network blog by attorney Craig Anderson. Check it out!