Questions to Get Answered Before Getting Married
As a divorce lawyer I meet with people in bad marriages every day. The marriages we discuss are widely varied and come in all shapes and sizes. It is always sad when a marriage doesn't work out no matter how long it lasted, but there is something puzzling that I can't quite put my finger on about marriages that last only a few weeks or months. Sometimes, I think the breakdown of these marriages has to do with communication issues or just varied future plans.I ran across as list of marriage questions you should discuss with your future spouse before you get married. These are questions about the decision to get married in general, family questions like how many children should you have, what religious beliefs do you have, what are your thoughts and ideas about money and how we will manage money as a family, will both of us work or not, what types of values do you have, what are your family values, what is your family relationship like, etc.I think you will find the article thought provoking and helpful to make sure you are making the right decision before you get into a marriage.
Merry Christmas and Thank You from UpstateFamilyLawBlog.com
2009 has been a great year and it couldn't have happened without you! I'm so thankful for my friends, clients, and those I have connected with online this year so I just wanted to take a few minutes to let you know. 2010 is shaping up to be a great year and I'm really looking forward to connecting with you in 2010. If I can do anything for you, please don't hesitate to let me know and connect with me through this site or on Twitter or Facebook.I want to wish you a very Merry Christmas and happy holidays.
Can I Modify My Child Custody Order?
Most court orders are permanent. If you were to be sued for some harm you caused to another person or their property or if you are involved in some property division in your divorce case, your court order would be permanent. That means, no matter what happens down the road, no matter what change of circumstances the order will not be changed.Family court orders dealing with children are different. The aspects of a family court order in South Carolina that deal with children such as custody, child support and visitation can be altered and modified after the order has been entered. In order to modify your child custody, visitation or support order you must file a new action and request that the previous order be modified due to a substantial change in circumstances. So, if the circumstances surround custody, visitation or support have not changed since your decree was entered, then you cannot seek to have the order modified.
Your Divorce: Begin with the End in Mind
"It's not the will to win that matters—everyone has that. It's the will to prepare to win that matters."
— Paul "Bear" Bryant
One of the most important things for your divorce lawyer to know in the very beginning of your case is your expectations and your desired outcomes of your divorce case. Would you rather have sole custody or share custody with your spouse? Would you prefer permanent periodic alimony paid monthly or a lump sum paid all at one time? If your divorce lawyer doesn't know what you expect, he will be left to make assumptions for you based on his experience and the types of expectations other similar clients have had.It is extremely important that this information be shared with your attorney up front. This may not be something that you discuss at the initial consultation just because of a time issue, but once you have retained your attorney, you need to make sure that your desired outcomes are clear. Now, this is also a time where your attorney will tell you about your chances of reaching these desired outcomes. Depending on the facts of your case, some options may not be available and it is important that you know that up front.The lawyer will take the information that you provide him and prepare a "theory of the case." This theory can be thought of as your story. There will be a clear theme and everything should revolve around that theme. If you don't take the time initially to plan for what you are shooting for then you won't have any clear direction in your case.When meeting with my clients and prospective clients, I ask them to create an "autobiography" that I use to learn more about their background and the marital history as well as to help me prepare affidavits for the temporary hearing. Part of this process asks the client to identify their goals and desires for this litigation. If your attorney asks you to prepare this information for him, please do not take it lightly. Not only will it help the two of you to get on the same page strategy-wise, but it will help your attorney understand what is important to you and to plan your case out.
Can Introverts Make Good Trial Lawyers?
Can an introvert make a good lawyer - especially a good divorce lawyer? The truth is, most cases these days do not go to trial. Whether it is the expense, time involved, or beacuse of new alternative dispute resolution methods being used more and more, people are not having to try their case as much. But, some cases still can't be settled and are left up to the Court for a decision where zealous advocacy is required by the lawyers. I read an article recently by Jennifer B. Kahnweiler entitled "Why Introverts Can Make the Best Leaders" over at Forbes.com. I originally wrote this post over at TrippAtkins.com but thought it would be beneficial over here as well as I examine whether an introvert can make a good trial lawyer.Jennifer points out that many of the best leaders in the country consider themselves introverts. The list includes Bill Gates, Warren Buffett and Charles Schwab. Jennifer wrote that there are at least five reasons that introverts make good leaders:
- They think first, talk later;
- They focus on depth;
- They exude calm;
- They let their fingers do the talking;
- They embrace solitude.
Now, when I read the article the five points above really resonated with me. You see, I'm an introvert. So I got to thinking...can an introvert make a good lawyer? More specifically, can an introvert make a good trial lawyer?When I think of a trial lawyer, I think of a character such as Alan Shore from TV's Boston Legal. Someone who is extremely quick on their feet with wit and sarcasm. I'm asked occasionally by clients or prospective clients who want to know if I'm going to be a bulldog or super aggressive - someone who stands up and makes a show or screams and shouts around.Can an introvert effectively represent their clients in trial? I think so. My experience has been that I examine a case in depth. Preparation is of extreme importance. More extroverted people are able to think on their feet and may not need to prepare as much in advance, but an introvert can get past that with in depth preparation where they plan a response for any conceivable argument or objection.The third point, "exuding calm" is extremely important for trial lawyers - especially for divorce and family law lawyers because of the extremely personal and emotional nature of the cases we deal with. By being able to stand back from the case from a non-emotional place and look at it objectively, you can more effectively represent and advise your clients.I think introverts can make excellent trial lawyers and can effectively represent their clients. What do you think?
Difficult Times During Holidays During/After Divorce
Thanksgiving has just passed, and Christmas is right around the corner. No matter what the circumstances are that surround your divorce, these times of year seem to be difficult. I've never found myself personally in that situation, so I don't always have the most applicable advice on what to do, but I found an article that I believe can be a help to you if you find yourself in this situation this year. While it is specifically written for a female audience, I believe it can be applicable to men as well.The article, "Christmas Joy After Divorce" is by Diane Overgard, Family Life Specialist & Coach, and you can find her at www.FindJoy.biz.
Who's Responsible for the Child?
When a couple is married and they have a child it is pretty easy to determine who is going to be responsible for the child financially should the marriage end in divorce. There is no question who the mother of the child is, and in the situation above, there is no question who the father is. The husband/biological father is going to be responsible for the child and should the mother be awarded custody of the child, the father will be required to pay child support.But what about the situation where the mom and dad are not married and they have a child together? In this case, the dad is still going to be responsible for financially supporting the child.That all seems pretty straight-forward, right? Pretty much what you would expect. But there is a curveball. Who is responsible when a couple is married, but the wife has a child by another man (not her husband). This does not always happen in some illicit affair. Many people that I have spoken with are married, but have not seen their spouse in over ten years and they have moved on (with everything except getting the divorce finalized). If the relationship between the mom and the biological dad do not work out in this case who is held responsible for the child? The husband.Gasp! That's right, not the biological father. When a couple is married in South Carolina and a child is born the husband is deemed to be the legal father of the child and if a support action is filed, the husband will be the defendant - not the biological father.So why is it set up like this? Because the government wants to make sure that children are supported and do not become dependent on the state.Is that fair? There is a case pending in Michigan right now about this very issue. You can read more about the paternity law issue in the Michigan courts here. Hat tip Family Law Prof Blog.
Happy Thanksgiving
"Thanksgiving Day is a jewel, to set in the hearts of honest men; but be careful that you do not take the day, and leave out the gratitude." -E.P. Powell
I wanted to write today wish you a Happy Thanksgiving. I know that many of my readers are going through a divorce or other taxing family court matter and this might be the first "big" holiday since the divorce process has begun or since it was finalized. I understand that these are hard times and you don't always feel like giving thanks. I hope that you are able to find blessings in your life to be thankful for.If you are going through a hard time this Thanksgiving, I would encourage you to take the time today to find something in your life to be thankful for and remember to "not leave out the gratitude."