The Emotional Toll of Working with Challenging Clients

Dear Family Lawyer,

Being a family lawyer is hard work. Non-lawyers will never know the stress and anxiety we feel. Not only are you worrying about your client and trying to guide them to the best outcome, but you also have to worry about deadlines, statutes of limitations, did you file that motion on time, and many other things that keep us up at night. Many times a “win” in family court doesn’t feel like a “win” at all. Clients can be demanding and ungrateful. Most people never say, “thank you.”

So, why do you do it? Why do you continue to do it? It is certainly not for the praise and there are easier ways to make a living.

Recently, I tried a case for several days. That trial was the culmination of a difficult two year process with my client. At the beginning of the case, the client was working for a large company and earning a very strong income. That employment contributed to a large marital estate. But somewhere along the way, my client let the trauma from the breakdown of the marriage lead to drug use, alcohol abuse, and other poor decisions. Ultimately, the client parted ways with his employer…losing that strong income. Life spiraled out of control for this client. Contact with the children was cut off by the family court pending evaluations and drug screens. Through it all, I stuck with the client (who no longer had a way to pay the invoices as they came. Client did not listen to my advice to fight to keep his job or do jump through what I saw as reasonable hoops to resume contact with their children. Instead, the client chose to continue down the path of poor choices. Of course, there wasn’t a good outcome at trial. But, instead of the client doing some introspection and understanding that lifestyle and choices created that outcome, the anger was directed to me.

I’m sure you have clients like this too. I told this client exactly what I thought the outcome of the trial would be before starting the trial. And, I wasn’t too far off when we received the judge’s ruling. But, it still didn’t stop the client from blasting me with the overflow of anger and frustration. And, even though I thought I knew what the outcome would be (and what the client’s reaction would be) it still doesn’t help your self-esteem to have someone question your work, worth, and commitment to their cause.

I’m not trying to be cynical. I’m actually trying to encourage you (and me).

I think it helps to know that you aren’t alone when you face situations like this. We all have difficult cases. We have clients that no matter how well we advocate for them or how good our advice is, they will make poor choices and receive difficult outcomes in court.

What you do is not trivial. It matters. It deeply impacts the lives of our clients and their children. Even when our clients don’t understand or appreciate the hard work done on their case. Keep doing the good work. Keep doing the hard work. Our clients and communities are better off because of your work.

So, take care of yourself. Find a lawyer you can confide in. Someone you can share victories (and the disappointment of defeats) with. Someone who knows what you’re feeling. One case outcome doesn’t make or break you as a lawyer.